Hey, I’m Sunny Lenarduzzi. Do you attract people who are inspiring, motivated, and going after their dreams? In today’s video I’m sharing 5 solid ways to attract your tribe. They’ll challenge you, and you’ll love it!
RESOURCES & LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS VIDEO:
Listen to Podcast Episode 021 “Build Your Tribe and Skyrocket Your Success with Lori Harder”
Lori Harder’s new book “A Tribe Called Bliss”
Watch my video “5 Steps to Developing a Growth Mindset (Execute & Achieve)”
Watch my video “4 Content Creation Hacks (Save Time, Be Productive & Build Authority)”
When it comes to success in relationships, business, and life, what’s the most influential factor?
Well, as Jim Rohn famously said: “We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with”.
The people you surround yourself with affect your thinking, your mood, your self-esteem, and your decisions. If you surround yourself with people who inspire you, you’ll be more motivated to take action. But have you ever wondered how you actually connect with people that you admire?
I’ve been really fortunate to build tribe around me of people that I once really looked up to, and now they’ve become friends and part of my network. So that’s why I wanted to make this video.
#1 – MAGNET EFFECT
Step number one is the magnet effect.
This exercise actually changed my life. And I’ve used this exercise to build my tribe from scratch, and to attract the right people into my life in all different kinds of capacities, whether it’s personal or business related.
So, how does this exercise work?
It’s really, really important and if you don’t do this step, none of the other things I’m going to tell you today are going to work and you’re going to still feel frustrated that you’re not attracting the right people into your life.
Whether you like it or not, you are what you attract.
If you’re trying to attract people that are inspiring and motivated and going after their dreams, but you’re not doing that, why would that person want to be around you?
I want you to write down the traits of your ideal best friend, your ideal tribe member who would be the exact person that you need and want in your life, who you know is going to help you build an even bigger and better life for yourself.
Things for me on my list when I do and continue to do this exercise is abundance, and open minded, and generous. Healthy, fit, inspirational, motivated, driven. So many things on the list, and the list really does go on.
Once you write that list, you want to look at it and ask yourself “am I embodying all these traits?”
Because if you’re not embodying the traits that you’re trying to attract in your tribe in the people that are surrounding you, it’s going to be really hard to attract your tribe.
You have to do this exercise first before you move on to anything else.
You want to flip the script on yourself, write down all the things you want in a best friend, and then see if you’re actually all of those things.
#2 – TRIBE AUDIT
Step number two is do a tribe audit.
Now, this is going to feel weird and uncomfortable.
But, growth is uncomfortable, and the only way to grow is to really take audit of the people and the things in your life, and how they are affecting your growth.
Tribe audit is simply taking a look at the people you’re spending the most time with, the five people you’re spending the most time with in your life.
Are those people fitting into the traits and the things that you’re looking for in your tribe? If they’re not, and if you have people in your life that are what I like to call soul suckers, because they drain you of your energy, they drain you of all of your optimism and positivity, but you have to put on your own mask first if you’ve ever heard that analogy when you’re in an airplane.
You’re always told if anything goes on, put on your own mask first. You have to take care of yourself first in order to be the best version of yourself for everyone else around you.
So, in order to take care of yourself, you have to take an audit of the people you’re spending the most time with.
And it doesn’t mean if they don’t fit the criteria you have to cut them out of your life by any means. They could be old friends, they could be good friends, they just may not be the people that are going to elevate your energy and elevate you to a new place in your life that’s much more positive than maybe where you are currently.
You just want to be cautious and really do another audit of the amount of time you’re spending with those people. And reallocating that time to discover new relationships and new friendships with people who are going to, again, lift you up and elevate you. Soul suckers.
Real quick – I want you to be very, very honest, this is a safe place and a safe community, and we can all learn from one another, right?
So, in the comments below I want you to write down the traits of your ideal tribe members.
What are the top three, top five things that you want in the people you spend most time with? It’s okay to be blunt, it’s okay to be honest. It’s okay to put it out there, because as soon as you do, guess what? I bet you there’s people in this community that probably are perfect fits for your tribe.
#3 – FIND YOUR PEOPLE
Step number three is find your people. This also might feel slightly uncomfortable, especially if you feel a little awkward meeting new people, which I totally get.
It might come as a surprise to you, but building new relationships is not really comfortable for anybody I don’t think, and I’m a total homebody. So, going to networking events and that kind of stuff, ugh, it really just drains my soul.
There are a few hacks to get around this.
And one of the best hacks or tips that I’ve ever heard came from Lori Harder, who’s an expert on building your tribe.
She’s a brilliant entrepreneur, and she also wrote the book a Tribe Called Bliss, which is all about breaking through superficial friendships, creating real connections, and reaching your highest potential, which is what we’re talking about today. And I also had Lori on the podcast for a full interview on the book and this subject.
So, what was Lori’s tip?
She turned to Instagram, as most of us do.
But instead of just creeping other people’s feeds, she was looking through hashtags that were relevant to her. So, she was looking at things like #fitness, #soulcycle, #laWomansEvent. And she would look up these hashtags and see who was creating content round them, or using the tags. And she would start following all those people, and slowly but surely build relationships.
She said out of 50 people that she would reach out to on a regular basis, like every week, about 10 of those people would get back to her. So, don’t take it personally if you don’t get a response, but this is such an easy first opportunity to reach out to somebody and start building a relationship!
#4 – REACHING OUT
The next step of this, step number four, is how you actually reach out. I call this clearing the blocks, which is another term that Lori shared with me.
Which really doesn’t put any pressure on the person you’re reaching out to, because it is a little bit weird. If you’ve never met the person, you’re reaching out to them on Instagram, or you happen to run into them at an event one time. Going up to them, or messaging them and saying, “I can’t wait to be best friends with you,” is a little creepy.
Lead with generosity.
It’s also important to understand that I have relationships that have taken years, I’m talking like five years to build. Where, initially, for the first four of those five years, all I was doing was adding as much value as I could to this person that I really looked up to and admired.
I was liking their content, I was sharing their content, I was responding to their emails. Whenever they’ve had an ask on social media for any help with anything, I would try and see if my skillset fit my needs, and I would try and reach out and help them.
Because sometimes if the person is on a really high level and they’re super successful, they’re getting inundated with people trying to get their attention.
So, instead of trying to get their attention, you want to say this is how I can actually help you, and I would love to do this. No pressure, whatever you need from me, I’m happy to help.
So that’s the best way to start really clearing those blocks.
Instead of asking, just give them some sort of generosity, give them some sort of lead in, where you’re actually helping them, and you aren’t asking them for a thing. And that will pay off all day, every day, way faster, even if it does take a couple of years.
Way faster than asking for something right off the bat.
I can tell you right now that when I get emails from people, or DM’s from people saying, “Can I pick your brain? Can I have a quick coffee chat with you? Can I take you for lunch?”… I don’t have time. And I know that sounds terrible, but I don’t. I barely have time to see my friends and my family at the moment with how busy things are.
People that get my attention are the people that lead with value.
Even if it might not be something that I can take them up on right now, they’re always going to be filed away in my brain.
And I actually have a special folder for them, because one day I’ll probably come back and say “Hey, you know hen you offered to help me with X? I would love to take you up on that!”
So, that’s how you really clear the blocks for people and get their guards down, is not asking, but giving.
#5 – DON’T TAKE IT PERSONALLY
Finally, step number five is reiterating this point, and making sure that you don’t take it personally if you don’t get a response from someone that you want to build a relationship with. So, first and foremost if you don’t get a response and you kind of lose the inclination to even want to build a relationship with that person, that’s cool, let it go. But there’s probably someone who you are really interested in meeting, or sitting down for coffee with, or building a relationship with in the long run. And don’t let that go.
So, what I do is I usually span it out within three months, and I’ll put a reminder on my calender, or in my notebook, or in Asana to say “Reach out to X”.
And it’ll have a whole list of people that I do want to build relationships with, and it’ll just be me pinning them again, to be basically checking in and saying, “Hey, hope everything’s great with you. I saw your recent post on this,” or “I saw you just launched this. I wanted to say congratulations.” Or, “I really loved reading that,” or, “Watching that video.” “And as always, if there’s anything that I can support you with, please let me know.”
Or, if you see something specific that they need help with, mention that and say, “You know what, that’s actually what I do, and I would love to offer you my guidance. Here’s a really quick strategy of what I think could be helpful for you”.
Lay it out for people, tell them exactly how you can add value. And you’d be surprised at the response you get.
I mark a three month reminder for the people that I really want to build relationships with, to continue to follow up with them.
Again, no expectations, I’m not asking to pick their brain, I’m not asking them to go for coffee or lunch.
I’m just saying – how can I help you?
And that’s where you’re really going to see those relationships start to bloom. Never ever ever utter the phrase can I pick your brain? Not only does it sound gross, but it’s probably the most off putting phrase that anyone in the world can hear.
This brain of mine has taken 31 years to build, so you can’t pick my brain and get all the information that I have up here in a quick coffee chat, and it’s pretty much insulting to say that to somebody who is an expert in their field.
Also, I wanted to reiterate that this will take time.
And it may take years, but it also may take a couple o days or even a few months with the right people in your tribe. But those big aspirational people that you hope to have in your circle one day, it’s okay if it does take time.
Just continue to add value to them, and I swear to you it will come back tenfold eventually.
So, thank you so much for being a part of this tribe! We appreciate you so much!
Also, don’t forget to join the Be Your Own Boss Mastermind group on Facebook with thousands of entrepreneurs all over the world. Join your fellow bosses in achieving the life you want to live on your own terms!
Thank you so much for watching!
-S
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