For people feeling behind in life…

Hi. I just had a birthday. I don’t know if you can relate to this, but whenever I have a birthday, I get into this head space of reflection, and I look back at the last year. I’m really proud of this last year and everything I’ve accomplished and also just the person I’ve become. But I also feel this innate sense that I’m behind. I don’t know if you ever feel that way when your birthday rolls around, or if you just feel that way in general. Because I do often hear this from friends and family and people in my community, it’s like things aren’t happening fast enough. I turned 34, and I know once you pass 30 you’re supposed to feel some sort of shame around your age. I have no shame. I’m really proud and grateful to be here. I look at birthdays as a privilege, especially after the last year that we’ve had when there’s been so much loss. I think I also look at this last year in terms of it can feel like it was a lost year because so many things were put on pause and so much of our life was put on pause.

So I’m reflecting on it. I don’t think I’ve done much in a traditional sense. When I say traditional, I think it’s really that projection of what other people expect me to do. I remember being 28 years old and just getting out of a really bad breakup… Well, 27 when the breakup happened, but still dealing with it at 28 and not even being remotely ready to dates, let alone get married. I remember when 30 hit, I was like, “Did I miss the memo on getting married and having children?” Because it just felt like everyone around me, all of a sudden, was getting married, having kids, and growing up. I was really still just super focused on my business. I met my now husband when I was 29. We just got married this last year.

A lot of people can look at that and say, “Wow, that feels late in the game a little bit,” which for me it doesn’t because it feels like it was on my own timeline. But I don’t have kids, and I find it really interesting that when I was single, it was like, “Oh, have you met anyone?” When I started dating my husband, it was like, “Oh, when are you getting engaged?” When we got engaged, it was like, “When are you getting married?” When we got married, it was like, “When you’re having kids?” I don’t get offended by it, I really just look at it as this projection of other people’s insecurities and what other people have done in their lives and they think everybody else should do subconsciously and this projection of the life path that they think is normal and typical. I just don’t think there’s such thing.

So as I look back, and I feel this little sense of almost feeling like I’m behind and maybe I should have the family at this point, maybe I should own a home at this point, all of these things, I know I’m not alone in that. I wanted to make this almost as a reminder to myself, but also, hopefully this is something that you need to hear. I shared my story almost a full year ago on my channel. It was really this first step of showing up 100% as myself and getting 100% comfortable in my own skin. My whole life, I really struggled with perfection. I felt like if I was more perfect, I was more worthy of success, of love, of affection. I felt like I was just lucky to get any of those things because I really didn’t feel like I was ever truly good enough.

I feel like in these last couple of years, I’ve really stepped into my own, and I know who I am, and I know my worth, and I know my value. This last year really has been a turning point for me for really owning my whole story. It isn’t perfect, no one’s is. I’ve experienced failure. I’ve experienced loss. I’ve experienced a lot of mistakes. I think sharing that’s really important because I think there is this sense, especially in this entrepreneurial, social media space where you feel like you’re not ahead or you’re not going fast enough if you’re not making six figures overnight, having a perfect aesthetic on Instagram. There’s so much pressure for perfection and arranging your life perfectly.

What I have truly embraced, and I’ve talked about on this channel and something that’s really helped me is experimenting. I don’t look at my life as this perfect box that I need to fit in and this perfect timeline I’m supposed to follow. Maybe it’s not going to work out the way that I think it’s going to. God willing, I’ll be able to have kids when I want to have kids. But I’m not ready right now. My main focus has been myself, knowing myself, getting to know myself, loving myself, embracing who I am, marrying myself first, building a really strong relationship with my husband and the relationships in my life before I move into that phase of my life.

I think that’s okay. And I think it needs to be normalized a little bit that not everybody follows the “perfect” normal path. I can honestly say that any time that I’ve tried to fit into a perfect mold, which was really most of the early stages of my life, especially in my twenties, I got into some of the worst situations that I could be in because it made me feel like I had to do everything quickly, like I had to build a big, huge business overnight, and I had to get the perfect boyfriend overnight, and I had to make everything fit in a little box and be perfect. And when I did that, a lot of the red flags in all of those situations, I just dyed them white. That’s how I like to put it. I just bleached them and pretended everything was okay until things started to blow up.

Perfect never led me to anything but, honestly, a little bit of disaster. There really is no official plan or timeline that I’ve followed. I’ve never really even set a five-year plan or goals. I’ve really tried to embrace, test, fail, learn, grow, repeat. That’s how I came up with that motto because I feel like that’s what my life has been. The more that I’ve approached this last year and this channel and my business and myself as one big experiment, and I’ve led with curiosity instead of trying to fit a certain mold or trying to be perfect or trying to aim for external things like vanity metrics, the happier I’ve been. As much as I sometimes think I should be doing this by now, I should have a family by now, I should fit this perfect little timeline by now, I really do believe that everyone has their own perfect path, and you have to figure out what that is for you. And so, I have to check myself and go back to like, when I think I’m behind, behind what? Behind who?

When you run your own race, you’re always going to win. I’m not trying to run a race with anybody else, I’m really just trying to stay in my own lane. And it’s hard, and I still have those feelings like I’m not good enough, or I’m not going fast enough, I’m not doing all the things that I should. Even though I’m really proud of myself, and I’ve accomplished a lot, I haven’t done everything. I think as I get older, I realize that you’re not meant to do everything at once. I don’t think everything’s meant to come together in one perfect timeline. I think whatever’s meant for you is going to happen exactly when it’s meant to happen. Sometimes that means you’re going to start business at 60, you’re going to find love at 70, you’re going to have kids at 40.

We no longer live in a society where you have to get everything done by 30. And if you do, that’s awesome too. But I guess my purpose of making this is that wherever you are on your journey right now, you’re not behind, you’re exactly where you should be. As much as I’m trying to embrace that for myself and that message for myself, and I really remind myself of it every day, it’s worth repeating, and it’s worth sharing, I think. So I would love for you to tell me, is there something that you feel like you’re behind on? And did this give you any sort of relief or light bulb?

This last year has been quite a trip. Like I said, I became a wife, got married, shared that with you, have done some crazy undertakings and things on this channel. My business has grown exponentially. I’ve really tried to focus on giving back, and it’s been quite the wild ride. And all of it has been one big question mark and level of curiosity. I didn’t know how any of this stuff was going to pan out, and I had to treat it all as an experiment. And the truth is when I look back, even at this channel, it started as an experiment. I had no expectations. I had no idea what I was getting into. It allowed me to grow in a way that was fun because I didn’t set an expectation of perfection and what it needed to be. I just allowed myself to play. I think that’s what I’ll embrace moving forward and what I’ll really lean into as I grow up, because I still feel like a kid. I know I’m an adult, but I still feel very much so like a kid.

I really do hope that I always approach everything in my life, business, personal, with that beginner’s mindset and a curious mindset. Because the moment I don’t, everything just gets so serious, and I get in this state of trying to control things. I mean, hello, if this last year has taught us anything, you can’t control anything. So embracing failure, embracing mistakes, embracing yourself, embracing your story, there’s so much power in your story and who you are and what you’ve been through and the journey that you’re on. It’s not meant to end in a perfect ending or a perfect bow. You’re going to get all the things that are meant for you in exactly the right timing for you.

I hope this helps. I know it was kind of a random, but I just felt like sharing this. It was on my heart and my mind. Over this last year in showing up more as myself, it’s been probably one of the most beautiful rewarding experiences, because I feel like the people that are here, you really get me and you see me. It’s turned into this like amazing family. I’ve created this little sacred place, my little secret group, for that family. And so, I invite you if you’re on the same path where you’re like, “Screw the status quo. Screw the norm. Screw perfection. I’m on my own journey,” then I hope that you join us. 

The whole purpose of this is just… I’m 34 now, proud as hell of it, grateful to be here and to be healthy. There is no perfection or expectation that I think I have left for myself. Whatever’s meant to be will be, and it’ll be in perfect timing. And that perfect timing will be my own, as it will for you.

Are you with me?